The Complete Pointlessness of Grudges

Common sense would typically tell people to drop something that’s burning them, but that’s giving humanity a lot of credit.

Grudges are powerful creatures of thought resting up in your cranial region, occasionally stabbing away at your heart and emotions just for kicks. If you ask them why, they’ll say, “Because we can,” and start stabbing harder. That’s what they do. Grudges are jerks.

The problem with grudges is that it’s hard to get rid of them, and perhaps rightly so. Grudges are formed out of events that inspire heated emotions like anger and betrayal, and it’s hard to get over things like that. Some people reason that grudges are a good thing because it helps ensure that your lesson is learned, that you don’t forget, and that you don’t get burned more than once. The logic here is that, by being continuously reminded of what happened, you won’t let yourself fall prey to suffering any of the same pain again.

I personally think that grudges are completely and utterly useless, and serve no other purpose than to hold people back and keep them living in the past. A grudge refers to the heated emotions you feel about a certain event, and as long as you hold onto those emotions, it will be much harder to get anywhere. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people come to me with the same issues over and over again, talking about the same things and the same people, even if the drama has been over for years. Hey, at least it’s assured that they’ll never encounter that same problem again in the near future, but it seems to be  causing many more problems than it’s fixing.

I’m not saying it will get bad enough to the point where you have one of these things in your house, but hey, it’s always nice to be on the safe side.

Here’s the important point to remember: holding a grudge and learning a lesson are not the same thing. You can retain a lesson without the emotions that go with it. Think about how you’d feel if you held onto the anger and frustration from every single time someone ever did you wrong in life. You’d be completely overwhelmed and angry at everything all the time. But that’s not how it is, is it? Are you still angry about something that happened to you way back in elementary school? Probably not. And you might say, “Well this one is different!” Not really, no. In time, you’ll be over that too.

I maintain that there is no point to a grudge. Ever. Grudges are harmful, they prevent you from moving on, and the person you’re holding a grudge against might not even care. They might have moved on, moved away or moved up, so there’s no point bothering with that. There’s no point living in the past and letting it consume you. Learn your lesson, figure out how you can continue on, and let it go. Grudges will never solve anything. That’s why there are four movies in The Grudge movie series, because they just can’t get rid of the damn thing.

Those are just my thoughts. It’s far better to get over something than to let it trap you and ruin you for who knows how long. I don’t think there is any instance where holding a grudge will ever make sense. Excuse it however you like, but at some point you’ll have to get over it. That’s just the way it works. Get over it or be held captive by your own emotions, and I can safely say that option two is not conducive to living a happy, healthy life. That and people with active grudges are kind of a pain to be around, so there’s that. (Hey, don’t give me that look, it’s true. No one likes a killjoy.)

You can move on and still keep the important lessons in mind, but getting over a grudge is key to moving forward. It just is, no way around it. If you don’t, others will, and you’ll be left behind. It takes time, but it can be done. It helps you feel better, it helps your relationships and your health, and it stops crazy kids that sound like cats from killing you in your sleep. At least I’m pretty sure about that last part. Sort of sure. …just stop, is what I’m getting at, basically.

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7 thoughts on “The Complete Pointlessness of Grudges

  1. Well… what about hate? Can you continue to hate someone and refuse to associate with someone without holding a grudge? Say there are some people who’ve done me lots of wrong before, should I be expected to forgive and forget?

    Also… four movies? I thought there were only two. O.o

    • You can, but you shouldn’t. Think about it — what does it do for you? What possible benefit do you get from holding onto the negative emotions? It does nothing to them, but it does everything to you.

      Being unforgiving and being hateful are two different things, but I do believe that you can choose not to forgive someone without it negatively affecting you. If you don’t forgive someone, that doesn’t necessarily mean you have it hanging over you, just that what they did was too terrible to have any hope of forgiveness. That’s all. But hate? Hate and grudges go hand in hand. Neither are good for you, and you shouldn’t hold on to either. You can kick someone out of your life completely, never speak to them again and never forgive them, but don’t hold onto the hate for them. That does zilch.

      Also: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Grudge_(film_series)

      • But it doesn’t have to be that way. I can kick someone out of my life, hate them, but not have it hanging over my head, and I’ve successfully managed to do that. The only thing I feel when they’re brought up is disdain. It has always worked fine for me!
        And I see… well, those are two movies I have to avoid. =x

      • If you don’t have it hanging over you, and you only feel disdain, then you aren’t holding a grudge and you aren’t feeling hate like that. The basic concept of these feelings is the inability to get over what they’ve done to the point where you can’t move forward. Since you apparently have, then you’re free of those things. You can definitely feel temporary irritation, or know that someone is bad, but I’m talking about the ones you just can’t get over, the ones that consume you.

      • Well fair enough. I don’t think I’ve allowed it to hold me back. In fact I’ve reached a point where I don’t care in the slightest about what they say or do. xD

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